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How do you stop it....?
1 min read
Restless.
Hyperventilating.
Thinking....
Can you stop yourself from a downward spiral?
Can you help me figure it out?
Are you even there?
Hyperventilating.
Thinking....
Can you stop yourself from a downward spiral?
Can you help me figure it out?
Are you even there?
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Devious Journal Entry
2 min read
Hey.
Wait.
Where are you going?
You were supposed to be there for me
When I was feeling down...
Focus on the torn pictures,
They're the only thing you have left.
Miles and miles away
You dont understand how much it hurt
To hear nothing
As I was pouring my heart out to you
Sobbing though the phone.
Did it even phase you?
Like a bullet straight through the heart,
You might as well put me out of my misery.
Like a dying dog that came to you for help, love and acceptance
One too many times....
That fine, crystal I held you so high up on
Cracked and shattered within seconds
All because of your silence and lack of remorse.
You fell so far.
Its a wonder you didnt get hurt.
But then....why am I the one whose crying?
I waited for you.
So long.
Too long.
Counting down the minutes, hours, days and weeks
To the moment you realize that I was right.
Im not your "little girl" anymore....
And sadly, thats all I wanted.
....Dad.
Wait.
Where are you going?
You were supposed to be there for me
When I was feeling down...
Focus on the torn pictures,
They're the only thing you have left.
Miles and miles away
You dont understand how much it hurt
To hear nothing
As I was pouring my heart out to you
Sobbing though the phone.
Did it even phase you?
Like a bullet straight through the heart,
You might as well put me out of my misery.
Like a dying dog that came to you for help, love and acceptance
One too many times....
That fine, crystal I held you so high up on
Cracked and shattered within seconds
All because of your silence and lack of remorse.
You fell so far.
Its a wonder you didnt get hurt.
But then....why am I the one whose crying?
I waited for you.
So long.
Too long.
Counting down the minutes, hours, days and weeks
To the moment you realize that I was right.
Im not your "little girl" anymore....
And sadly, thats all I wanted.
....Dad.
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Thinking back on it now, I remember I was so distraught when he finally pulled away from the curb at my grandparents' house.
It hurt, deeply, to see him go like that, knowing I couldnt run after him.
Breakfast with him was silent and I bit my tongue.
He tried his hardest to lighten the mood and make me smile.
I knew I couldnt cry at the restaurant, not in front of all those people.... After he drove away, all I could do was collapse outside and sob.
I wanted him so badly to turn around and tell me what I wanted to hear.
That last hug from him drained me and right there, I started to cry.
He walked toward his car and opened the door.
I remember he looked back at me and with the most depressed look on his face came back to me and embraced me.
The tightest he ever had.
If I had been stronger in that situation and not cried in front of him, he probably would've gone easier.....
He told me I would be okay.
I didnt believe him, truly, but I had to try.
And a few hours later, we got ready to leave and my thoughts of him didnt make it any easier to leave him for good.
I cried.
I cried almost to the point of dry-heaving.
Right in front of my mom and grandparents.
The house where I had made so many memories with the two people that meant the most to me was gone, I couldnt go back and sit on the back porch, where Staci and I had made our not-so-secret smoking spot.
I couldnt go back into the basement of the house where Tyler, Staci and I played beer pong for my 20th birthday.
And I couldnt go back to my room, where so many feelings had been formed and clotted into my bloodstream.
It hurt to leave that house.
It really did.
I didnt visit the park, where Staci and I spent most of our time.
I didnt sit on the swing that Tyler sat on when we first started talking.
I didnt walk around the neighborhood one last time at night, because I knew I would be alone....
I left so many precious memories behind.
It hurt, deeply, to see him go like that, knowing I couldnt run after him.
Breakfast with him was silent and I bit my tongue.
He tried his hardest to lighten the mood and make me smile.
I knew I couldnt cry at the restaurant, not in front of all those people.... After he drove away, all I could do was collapse outside and sob.
I wanted him so badly to turn around and tell me what I wanted to hear.
That last hug from him drained me and right there, I started to cry.
He walked toward his car and opened the door.
I remember he looked back at me and with the most depressed look on his face came back to me and embraced me.
The tightest he ever had.
If I had been stronger in that situation and not cried in front of him, he probably would've gone easier.....
He told me I would be okay.
I didnt believe him, truly, but I had to try.
And a few hours later, we got ready to leave and my thoughts of him didnt make it any easier to leave him for good.
I cried.
I cried almost to the point of dry-heaving.
Right in front of my mom and grandparents.
The house where I had made so many memories with the two people that meant the most to me was gone, I couldnt go back and sit on the back porch, where Staci and I had made our not-so-secret smoking spot.
I couldnt go back into the basement of the house where Tyler, Staci and I played beer pong for my 20th birthday.
And I couldnt go back to my room, where so many feelings had been formed and clotted into my bloodstream.
It hurt to leave that house.
It really did.
I didnt visit the park, where Staci and I spent most of our time.
I didnt sit on the swing that Tyler sat on when we first started talking.
I didnt walk around the neighborhood one last time at night, because I knew I would be alone....
I left so many precious memories behind.
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